Kidney stones, underage girls, buttafaces, and dissing Uranus

Ok, so its been a while. I know, I know, my blogging took a nose dive for a while. July was weird for me. My car decided to go all anti-social on me, things got a little hectic at work, wedding stuffs galore, a cabin trip, old and new friends visiting from out of town, a few visits to the doc AND the hospital, and a little biatch of a kidney stone (worth what feels like a gajillion dollars in medical bills). Stupid little stone and you rack up hundreds of dollars. It took me a while to find my balance again (literally and figuratively), but I think I finally have a grasp on it.

Then, August came and the Olympics pretty much consumed my life. I stay up late to watch the games and then am a zombie during the day cuz I got so little sleep. What's not to love? There's the 14 year old gymnasts, WTF-scoring from 'cough-cough-ahem-biased-cough' judges, cute little girls with ugly little voices (and vice versa) and a buttaface god-swimmer-man, who could resist? Heck, they ought to give me a gold medal for crazy-obsessive-olympic-watching. I'd so win that shit.
(btw, I'm trying to come up with a male-version of the term "butta face"...ya know, like, "shes hot but-her-face." Whats a male equivalent called? Ummm..'Michael Phelps' is all I can come up with right now).

So anyways. That just about brings us to the present.

I was reading Perez today and he posted the below excerpt regarding Madonna's upcoming World Tour. Man, props to that woman for being 50 and still totally smokin and actually RELEVANT, but the carbon footprint and excessive waste she's got goin' ain't so kewl.

Read on my dearies:

"And, in anticipation of the first show on Saturday, the Queen of Pop's publicist has just released this most amazing list of stats and info on the new world tour.

It states:

"3500 Number of individual wardrobe elements for tour

653 Hours of rehearsal time for Madonna and band

250 Number of travelling personnel

200 Triangle sponges used to apply makeup

180 Q-Tips used for entire tour (3 per night)

120 Powder puffs

100 Pairs of out of stock fishnet, pantyhose in old style weave,
purchased for Madonna via ebay and local dance shops

100 Pairs of kneepads

69 Guitars

36 Different Designers contributed to the onstage wardrobe

30 Wardrobe Trunks travel to each venue

28 Maximum number of performers onstage

20 Nationalities represented in touring stuff (including Japanese, Israeli, Russian, Romanian, Australian and Algerian)

18 Racks of Clothing for Band, dancers and gypsies

16 Caterers

12 Seamstresses working non stop in Cardiff to finish
costumes for opening night

12 Travelling trampolines used in training by Madonna and dancers

10 Large flight cases of medical supplies

10 Number of guitars Madonna will travel with

9 Number of people working in wardrobe department

8 Major Madonna Costume changes

5 Number of people it takes to change Madonna into next
costume

5 Keyboards on stage for Kevin Antunes, Musical Director

4 Large freezers to carry ice packs for Madonna and dancers

4 YSL Lipsticks will cover entire tour

3 Romanian gypsy musicians playing acoustic instruments

3 Racks of Clothing contain Madonna's stage wardrobe

3 Shu Uemura eyelash curlers

2 Rigs for DJ set up

2 Stages

1.5 Minutes - Shortest time required to change Madonna's costumes between numbers

1 Chiropractor

1 Personal trainer

1 Masseuse

1 Set of Swarovski crystal ear phones for DJ

Madonna's Sticky & Sweet Tour Kicks Off This Saturday In Cardiff

Madonna, currently putting the finishing touches to her fabulous new Sticky & Sweet Show in Cardiff, is readying herself and the 250 travelling personnel for the opening night this Saturday at Cardiff's Millennium Stadium.

Hot on the diamante shaped heels of her phenomenally successful' Hard Candy' disc, 'Sticky & Sweet' promises two pulsating hours of non stop hits in a show that features 16 dancers, a 12 piece band, more than 8 costume changes for the lady herself and £l million of Swarovski crystals."

Ok, so I am still trying to figure out what her publicist was thinking. Is this supposed to be a good thing? Only thing I can figure out is that said publicist was trying to get the point out that Madonna is pretty big stuff. As if the whole world doesn't already know that. Like, we didn't get the memo or something. I'm told it was stuck in the pile with the TPS reports. Anyways, I suppose if you are Madonna's publicist you have to just create shit to occupy your time, because, really...what else is there to do? She's already a friggin one-woman empire.
Anywho, getting to my point, I promise. I get that Madonna is crazy-famous and all, but what's the message here? Like, being the biggest pop star on the face of the planet isn't enough for you, Madonna? You tryin' to prove it to Mars or Uranus or something? (haha..uranus!) Maybe Madonna felt a little one-upped by the fantastical eye pleasing awesomeness that was the Beijing opening ceremony and now she's gonna try to show them who's boss. Girl's gotta represent. 50 is the new...umm...50.

A Treehugger from the start

Trees are cool, I may have mentioned that already. I recently had an opportunity to help the organization that I work for plant some trees at local schools. It's a neat concept - work with the students, teach them how to plant a tree, and subsequently plant dozens of trees in the school yard, to create outdoor learning areas and a more beautiful and natural landscape. Anyways, during such events I am reminded of how much I love getting my hands in the dirt and helping to plant a life form that will grow and enrich the environment and beings around it. My little apartment balcony-turned-garden of assorted plants and flowers does the job, but there is nothing like planting a tree.


Here's a photo of me from back in the day. I just planted my very own tree (Ok fine, I had some assistance from Grandpa, but the plastic bucket and shovel is ALL mine). To this day, the tree still stands. While we have since moved and no longer live on the property the tree was planted, I still drive by my old backyard every once in a while to see 'my tree'. Every year it is a bigger, bolder, and stronger version of it's previous self. It has now become a substantial refuge and home for birds, squirrels, and other furry friends, as well as the home to one of my most cherised childhood memories.

If I could go and give that tree a big hug, I would. (I don't, for fear of the fact that I would be tresspassing on some new family's backyard, groping a tree, and that would be kinda creepy), but I get to drive by from time to time and admire from afar. And every time, I am reminded of the proud sense of accomplishment and awe I felt that very morning I planted the tree.

Moral of the story: Parents, plant a tree with your kids. It will provide for many great memories, time to bond as a family, and teach your kids (and yourself) about the awesomeness that is the world around us. I still look back on that day, and on that tree, with smile.

Do it for the children, and do it for the trees. Everybody wins!

Get Globally Naturalized

So simple, yet so cool.

The Global Mind

Don't brush off the coolness. I'm an internet nerd and totally proud of it.

Who loves recyclable shoes?

Every girl loves herself a cute pair of shoes, and I must admit I am now one of them. (...Wait...am I actually blogging about shoes?....wtf...) Anyways, Oka B sandals have become my new faves. These sandals are the coolest things ever. Not only are they super comfy, easily washable (dishwasher, folks!) and totally cute; they also have some mad reflexology skillz (check out their website and read about your soon-to-be new best friends, the fancy little refloxology beads on the soles of the shoes). But the BEST, BEST part is that you can actually send your old and used pairs back to the company, who will ground and mix the recycled shoe material into brand new sandals for other folk. Cute shoes, happy feet, snazzy colors to brighten your day, and less old shoes in the landfills. What more could a girl ask for?


In other news, something I learned today was that one should always, always check the weather forecast for windy-ness before one decides to wear her cute little wrap dress.

And, much to my dismay, apparently cheesy-ass pick up lines are also still quite popular. Hum. The mystery continues.

Thankfully, the latter two events were entirely unrelated :)

The grass is always greener, and the stars are always brighter...

I'd like to rest my heavy head tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd like to lay my weary bones tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd love to feel
Your hand touching mine
And tell me why
I must keep working on
Yes I'd give my life
To lay my head tonight
on a bed
Of California stars

I'd like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars
Jump up from my starbed
Make another day
Underneath my California stars

They hang like grapes
On vines that shine
And warm the lovers' glass
Like friendly wine
So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of
California stars

I'd like to rest my heavy head tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd like to lay my weary bones tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd love to feel
Your hand touching mine
And tell me why
I must keep working on
Yes I'd give my life
To lay my head tonight
on a bed
Of California stars

I'd like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars
Jump up from my starbed
Make another day
Underneath my California stars

They hang like grapes
On vines that shine
And warm the lovers' glass
Like friendly wine
So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars
So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars

California Stars by Billy Bragg & Wilco

I have a crush on the iPod touch

This weekend I finally Mac-ified myself and got a new macbook and iPod touch. I am completely in love with the iPod touch. I can totally forsee this thing taking over my life in the coolest possible way. What more could I want in a 4 x 2.5 piece of metal/plastic/electronic awesomeness? Youtube, check. Instant Gmail, check. Music, check. Videos, check. Pics, check. Games, check. Internet, check. Weather, check. Total sweetness.

A few weeks ago I got my stimulus check, and a few weeks before that Apple yet again offered their back-to-school special, buy a macbook and get an iPod and printer for free. Coincidence? Not in my mind! Moreover, what kind of an American would I be if I didn't go and just stimulate the hell out of the economy? Exactly. So that's just what I did. I 'thought not what my country could do for me, but what I could do for my country.' And for Apple. And for myself. See, everybody wins. Well, except for the gazillion-dollar-debt we have as a country. But other than that, score!!!

G'night!

-iJessica

The day the sun stands still

Yay for Midsummer. Happy Summer Solstice!
Go burn a bonfire, dance and sing and be merry. We are the closest to the sun we'll be all year.

Enjoy the summer and all the brightness it will bring.
Party and celebrate this big crazy spinning ball we call home.
Get dizzy.
Sing an ode to the sun.
Revel in the bright shining ball of light that unites all cultures and peoples from all times past and all those yet to come.
Dance in it's rays
Enjoy it's warmth
Draw life from it's light.

The cycle of life is a beautiful one.

Obama people are cool

Check out these vidz by some kewl Obama folks.


Party Like Barack Does



Baby Got Barack


Yes We Can by will.i.am


I Got a Crush....on Obama


The Barack Song



I'm totally lovin' the fact that so many people are getting SO inspired. Party on, kids!

Go people!
G'Obama!

The Tree is a wise old thing

Stand Tall and Proud
Sink your roots deeply into the Earth
Reflect the light of a greater source
Think long term
Go out on a limb
Remember your place among all living beings
Embrace with joy the changing seasons
For each yields its own abundance:
The Energy and Birth of Spring
The Growth and Contentment of Summer
The Wisdom to let go of leaves in the Fall
The Rest and Quiet Renewal of Winter.
- LLan Shamir, Advice from a Tree

A tree uses what comes its way to nurture itself.
By sinking its roots deeply into the earth,
by accepting the rain that flows towards it,
by reaching out to the sun, the tree perfects its character and becomes great.
Absorb, absorb, absorb. That is the secret of the tree.
-Deng Ming-Dao, Everyday Tao

Indeed, the Tree is a wise old thing.

Score one for Alanis

So, my Alanis theme continues, in honor of today's release of her new album, Flavors of Entanglement. I'm stoked. I heart Alanis. She brings me back to the good ol' days of sitting on the school bus and listening as as her Jagged Little Pill hits came on the radio. By the way, apparently I was a kid blessed with a hip 'n kewl bus driver, since we were actually allowed to rock out to such tunes on the bus. But I digress. Seems most folks let Alanis fall off their radar once her angry-biiiaatch persona got toned down a notch or two. Jagged Little Pill was one of those albums so full of life and vitality, driven by the hardcore raw emotions of a man who did her all sorts of wrong. The upside of all that shitiness, however, was a fantastic album. So naturally, my hopes are high for Flavors of Entaglement. You may recall (thanks, Perez Hilton, for keeping me in the know) that Alanis's once-fiance, Ryan Reynolds, is now fiance'ed to Scarlet Johansen. And I'm gonna just take a shot in the dark here, but I bet Alanis is just a little bitter. Like, just a tad. And, lucky for you and I, apparently Flavors of Entaglement is chalk full of that all that bitter glory. Well, maybe not bitter, per se, according to Rolling Stone's review, "It doesn't rage, like "You Oughta Know" - it sounds more like grief." But still. No matter what the emotion, it's gotta be good. Alanis is a woman who knows how to channel that shit into somethin' really good.
Scarlett Ho-hansen (yes, that was intentional) may have the man, but at least Alanis has the music career. (Clearly not so for Scarlett, in case you've read that she is attempting a music career).

Score one for Alanis. Score none for Ho-hansen.

p.s. Whats so great about this Ryan Reynolds guy anyways???

Utopia

"We'd gather around
all in a room
fasten our belts
engage in dialogue
we'd all slow down
rest without guilt
not lie without fear
disagree sans judgement

we would stay and respond and expand and include
and allow and forgive and enjoy and evolve
and discern and inquire and accept and admit and divulge and
open and reach out and speak up

This is utopia
this is my utopia
This is my ideal
my end in sight
Utopia
this is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate

We'd open our arms
we'd all jump in
we'd all coast down into safety nets

we would share and listen and support and welcome
be propelled by passion
not invest in outcomes
we would breathe and be charmed and amused by difference
be gentle and make room for every emotion

we'd provide forums
we'd all speak out
we'd all be heard
we'd all feel seen

we'd rise post-obstacle more defined more grateful
we would heal be humbled
and be unstoppable
we'd hold close and let go and know when to do which
we'd release and disarm and stand up and feel safe

this is utopia
this is my utopia
this is my ideal, my end in sight
utopia
this is my utopia
this is my nirvana
my Ultimate"

Utopia - Lyrics by Alanis Morissette

YES WE CAN

YES WE ARE!