Kidney stones, underage girls, buttafaces, and dissing Uranus

Ok, so its been a while. I know, I know, my blogging took a nose dive for a while. July was weird for me. My car decided to go all anti-social on me, things got a little hectic at work, wedding stuffs galore, a cabin trip, old and new friends visiting from out of town, a few visits to the doc AND the hospital, and a little biatch of a kidney stone (worth what feels like a gajillion dollars in medical bills). Stupid little stone and you rack up hundreds of dollars. It took me a while to find my balance again (literally and figuratively), but I think I finally have a grasp on it.

Then, August came and the Olympics pretty much consumed my life. I stay up late to watch the games and then am a zombie during the day cuz I got so little sleep. What's not to love? There's the 14 year old gymnasts, WTF-scoring from 'cough-cough-ahem-biased-cough' judges, cute little girls with ugly little voices (and vice versa) and a buttaface god-swimmer-man, who could resist? Heck, they ought to give me a gold medal for crazy-obsessive-olympic-watching. I'd so win that shit.
(btw, I'm trying to come up with a male-version of the term "butta face"...ya know, like, "shes hot but-her-face." Whats a male equivalent called? Ummm..'Michael Phelps' is all I can come up with right now).

So anyways. That just about brings us to the present.

I was reading Perez today and he posted the below excerpt regarding Madonna's upcoming World Tour. Man, props to that woman for being 50 and still totally smokin and actually RELEVANT, but the carbon footprint and excessive waste she's got goin' ain't so kewl.

Read on my dearies:

"And, in anticipation of the first show on Saturday, the Queen of Pop's publicist has just released this most amazing list of stats and info on the new world tour.

It states:

"3500 Number of individual wardrobe elements for tour

653 Hours of rehearsal time for Madonna and band

250 Number of travelling personnel

200 Triangle sponges used to apply makeup

180 Q-Tips used for entire tour (3 per night)

120 Powder puffs

100 Pairs of out of stock fishnet, pantyhose in old style weave,
purchased for Madonna via ebay and local dance shops

100 Pairs of kneepads

69 Guitars

36 Different Designers contributed to the onstage wardrobe

30 Wardrobe Trunks travel to each venue

28 Maximum number of performers onstage

20 Nationalities represented in touring stuff (including Japanese, Israeli, Russian, Romanian, Australian and Algerian)

18 Racks of Clothing for Band, dancers and gypsies

16 Caterers

12 Seamstresses working non stop in Cardiff to finish
costumes for opening night

12 Travelling trampolines used in training by Madonna and dancers

10 Large flight cases of medical supplies

10 Number of guitars Madonna will travel with

9 Number of people working in wardrobe department

8 Major Madonna Costume changes

5 Number of people it takes to change Madonna into next
costume

5 Keyboards on stage for Kevin Antunes, Musical Director

4 Large freezers to carry ice packs for Madonna and dancers

4 YSL Lipsticks will cover entire tour

3 Romanian gypsy musicians playing acoustic instruments

3 Racks of Clothing contain Madonna's stage wardrobe

3 Shu Uemura eyelash curlers

2 Rigs for DJ set up

2 Stages

1.5 Minutes - Shortest time required to change Madonna's costumes between numbers

1 Chiropractor

1 Personal trainer

1 Masseuse

1 Set of Swarovski crystal ear phones for DJ

Madonna's Sticky & Sweet Tour Kicks Off This Saturday In Cardiff

Madonna, currently putting the finishing touches to her fabulous new Sticky & Sweet Show in Cardiff, is readying herself and the 250 travelling personnel for the opening night this Saturday at Cardiff's Millennium Stadium.

Hot on the diamante shaped heels of her phenomenally successful' Hard Candy' disc, 'Sticky & Sweet' promises two pulsating hours of non stop hits in a show that features 16 dancers, a 12 piece band, more than 8 costume changes for the lady herself and £l million of Swarovski crystals."

Ok, so I am still trying to figure out what her publicist was thinking. Is this supposed to be a good thing? Only thing I can figure out is that said publicist was trying to get the point out that Madonna is pretty big stuff. As if the whole world doesn't already know that. Like, we didn't get the memo or something. I'm told it was stuck in the pile with the TPS reports. Anyways, I suppose if you are Madonna's publicist you have to just create shit to occupy your time, because, really...what else is there to do? She's already a friggin one-woman empire.
Anywho, getting to my point, I promise. I get that Madonna is crazy-famous and all, but what's the message here? Like, being the biggest pop star on the face of the planet isn't enough for you, Madonna? You tryin' to prove it to Mars or Uranus or something? (haha..uranus!) Maybe Madonna felt a little one-upped by the fantastical eye pleasing awesomeness that was the Beijing opening ceremony and now she's gonna try to show them who's boss. Girl's gotta represent. 50 is the new...umm...50.